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[personal profile] undertakerchick

I'm an absolute disaster and wednesday can't come fast enough. I need help big time.
I have a counseling session on Wednesday.

My heart is broken and I have no where to run, no where to hide. I've called out to God and he is silent. I pray He has help on the way because I am about to lose my mind.

I have two tests this week. One in nursing and one in nutrition which I have to bring up. I have to pass it or I can't go on. It scares me b/c I can't focus and I can't go into my room like I do in Jills class.

I talked to Peanut and she told me to keep trying. She said I was doing well and had really improved. She felt like I was on the right Path.

She asked me of I wanted to drop. I told her not yet. I had to stay the semester and I would reevaluate my life and expectations.

It's just so hard for me to enjoy nursing. I hate it. It doesn't appeal to me. I don't want to be a nurse, work as a nurse for the next 50 years and be miserable.

I thought God had more for me but I'm guessing I heard wrong. I feel like there is so much more out there for me but I'm having to settle for 2nd best.

Maybe I missed the mark and just made up this big dream thinking it was Gods will when it was just the voices in my head.

I think my parents are fighting b/c of me. I think I need to move out but I don't have the means to live on my own.

Apparently they have been talking b/c two diff people told me I needed to move out and grow up. They said I was an issue in my house. No surprise there. I've been an issue since the day I was born. I wish they would've just beat me to death when they were threatening.

I hate myself and I hate my life. I have no will to live. I have no reason to live and that is a scary place to be. I think counseling might help but I don't know. Found out today my counselor is younger than me. She is 25. That's tough for me. I feel so ashamed and so pathetic. Maybe I am just a loser.

I just needed to talk things out. My mind is going 10000 mph. So many thoughts...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Date: 2012-09-23 05:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] forever-rebel2.livejournal.com
You're not a loser. Wanna talk about a loser, look at me. Today I realized that this morning was the FIRST time since 2005 that I have been home alone. I have NO life what so ever out side of work and home. At least YOU tried to make something of yourself. So things didn't work out as you planned or hoped. It's not the end of the world and there WILL be brighter days....even if I can't tell you when. The thing is, if you lose hope in those 'brighter' days, you will drive yourself mad. Yes, madder than you already are! ;)

I'm curious as to who told you that you were an issue and that you needed to grow up. They obviously need to mind their own business.



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